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Sometimes, you gotta go straight to The Source. This version celebrates the wonder, delight, and unbeatable treasure-hunting opportunities of the grocery store. Tell me what you love or hate about grocery shopping and I’ll pick a local favorite grocer fine-tuned to transform your understanding of what grocery shopping can be. We can roam the aisles at a full-spectrum store, like wild stallions enjoying all nature has to offer. Or maybe you’ve always wanted to try your hand at shopping the Farmer’s Market, but were overwhelmed by the prohibitively random/early hours (What do you mean it’s already closed at 9:30am on a Wednesday?!) and/or unbearable gentrification. Or maybe there’s a specialty shop you’ve always wanted to visit, but, like the Farmer’s Market you also didn’t get to, were overwhelmed by the prohibitively random/early hours, and the additional fear of a sneering shopkeep who knows you’re too poor and unrefined to shop there. Whatever the grocery-provider of your dreams looks like, we’ll have fun browsing the market and help you pick out some gems to try/enjoy.

This version is excellent for those who dread grocery shopping for any number of understandable reasons: far, expensive, choice fatigue, so many calories, so many artificial/satan-based ingredients, so many people to avoid making eye contact with, exhausting, parking problems, items too high on the shelf, items too low on the shelf, they are out of stock of literally everything you need to buy, I’m hungry, I’m not hungry, and the (grocery) list goes on. I can’t erase all of that past/structural sadness for you (it’s real, and that happened), but I can ensure that, going forward, you’ll always have the capacity to grocery shop with joy, wonder, and gratitude.

I’m gonna be straight with you: I can’t cook for sh*t. I get tired. I get cranky. It takes me forever to make anything. I feel put upon and like nothing I do is good enough, and that I might as well give up on life because I’ll never amount to anything. O_O This is a huge part of why I appreciate and adore people who can cook and who love to cook. It’s a team effort and a labor of love to make a meal and I’m here to be the teammate with the closing move, the lucky recipient of the end results of your culinary talent, and the most grateful mega-fan of your cooking. This version is especially great for cooks and chefs who love to make food, who take pride in their culinary talents, and/or simply prefer their own cooking to a restaurant. It’s also wonderful to give you an occasion to try something new you’ve wanted to cook or a personal favorite, without the high stakes of disappointing a family/restaurant full of diners or dealing with picky eaters or dietary restraints. It can also help you reconnect to your love of cooking, if you’re feeling exhausted by the grind of putting food on the table every day or not getting to cook like you want to due to non-kitchen-related grinding elsewhere in your life. Whatever it is, I’m here for it and I’m so excited to have the privilege of joining you for your home cooked meal.

I don’t like mushrooms, Brussel sprouts, or lima beans. And I will only eat banana or guava if it’s very, very well hidden. But other than that, sky’s (and fries) the limit. Make whatever makes you happy. I’m here to enjoy the meal. :)

This version can take place in your actual home, or in a restaurant if you are a professional cook/chef.

Getting drunk is for losers. If you aren’t enjoying your alcohol responsibility and resplendently, you’re doing it wrong. This version is for those who are healing from alcohol abuse, have any sort of sensitivities, hang-ups, or taboos around alcohol, or just want to be able to fully enjoy being sober. Tell me what you love or hate about drinking and I’ll choose us a place to enjoy a cocktail, mocktail, glass of wine, or other beverage. If you happen to get distracted by gourmet bar snacks or the food menu, and want to forget all about drinking, that’s cool too. Plus, if you need proof (<—see what I did there? ;) lol) that you can achieve your recreation or personality goals without being drunk, I’ll make us a fun mini version of that experience (drinking game, trivia, dancing, singing, being able to be yourself “uninhibited”, flirting, etc.) so you can leave drinking-only-you in the past. Your wallet and higher self thank you.

Hopefully it goes without saying, but you must be 21+ to drink alcohol. However, having a healthy relationship to alcohol and socializing safely is important at any age, so I’m pleased to offer the mocktail-only version of this offering for clients under 21 who want to set themselves up for success. <3

For time immemorial, humans have made it a primary goals to create the best, most perfect version of “drinkable hot water with stuff in it.” Whether it’s tea, coffee, hot chocolate, or other heat-made beverage, we live for the experience of a warm mug in our hands and the inevitable comfort of a brewed-beverage ritual. But somewhere along the capitalism way, we converted our morning brews into broken battery-power, spawning crimes against humanity such as triple-shot espresso and the brag “I can’t function without my coffee.” I’m here to tell you you can and you will. And also, stop it, your ability to exist can’t be tethered to an external drink. Thus, this version is for restoring and celebrating the ritual of enjoying your hot beverage of choice, free of caffeine addiction, sugar addiction, “energy drinks,” or any other form of liquid “fixes.” Tell me what you love or hate about your hot beverage experiences and I’ll choose us a place to enjoy a grounded, restorative cup of coffee, tea, hot chocolate or any other cafe-based sip you want to explore. This is especially helpful for those who have fallen victim to grind culture and want to break free of the “drink to think” chains. Your time with your mug (and pastry/snack friends) should be your own, and I’m here to share that experience with you so you can create a healthy, happy ritual for yourself with every lovingly-prepared cup.